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Our sister paper The Sunday Tabloid brought to you yesterday exclusive news that a reward of 2 Creme Eggs would be hand delivered to anybody with more information as to the whereabouts of TKE's much loved antique pantaloons, but as yet our hotline (07979 863811) has remained silent.
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Meanwhile, further Tabloid investigations have revealed that the easily indentifiable trews may have actually have been choried from one of the many washing lines his missus likes to dry the washing on. A neighbour of the Kinder-Eggs volunteered when offered a tenner that "Missus Kinder-Egg is a jolly old soul, who used to live in a shoe with all 18 of her kids from a previous marriage, rumour would have it". When pushed for more relevant information, the nosey old biddy did profess to vaguely remember Missus Kinder-Egg hanging the Flares in question out to dry a few days ago.
"I do vaguely remember her [Missus Kinder-Egg] hanging them [the Flares in question] out to dry a few days ago" she professed.
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Why, I barely know him, ken? I run the local Sub Post Office and he was in here the other day, like. I knew it was him, as he always buys a toffee apple for his gran-ma's dog to suck on, and I noticed that the rims of his usually sparkling blue eyes were red, like he had been greetin like a wee lassie, ken? He was sporting a pair of corduroy trousers that between you and me, weren't purchased this side of the eighties, ken?"
Here at Tabloid HQ we are committed to pulling all our resources together to locate the Flares that TKE holds so dear.
We want to know if anybody has any information on the the wherabouts of the White Spandex Flares! If you've seen them, let us know! Whether you stay in Livingston, Edinburgh, Bathgate, Inverness, Dalkeith or even Winchburgh, it doesn't matter, we want you to let us know where you think you saw them. Simply dial the Hotline number of 07979 863811 and speak to our operators or text the same number with a rough address of the sighting.
Our dedicated Hotline is manned 24 hours a day. Don't delay, make that call today!
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Remember, there are 2 Creme Eggs for the provider of information leading to the finding of the Flares. They were bought yesterday, but should be good for a wee while yet? Unless eaten beforehand, obviously.
(The Daily Tabloid takes no responsibility for someone maybe being hungry at some point in the future and eating the pair of them.)
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