TABLOID 10 Jun - Further legal action looms for the SPL

Last updated : 10 June 2005 By Lionel Nutmeg

The endangered loophole, yesterday
The SPL looks set for a bitter court battle following chairman Lex Gold’s decision to close the loop hole which allows amateur players to be paid for non-footballing activities.


The Tabloid learned tonight that the loop hole’s QC, Lord Swinton, has promised to fight the decision all the way to the High Court if necessary. Speaking from his luxurious mansion in Eliburn, Swinton raged “both myself and my client are heartily sick and tired of the SPL’s procrastinating and needless red tape. However, given that they are now planning the complete extinction of my client, that makes it a far more serious issue altogether.”


“My client has existed for some time now, completely unnoticed by most observers”
Swinton continued. “Several top SPL clubs have used my client in the past and nobody has batted an eyelid, but as soon as Livingston become involved all hell breaks loose. This cannot be allowed to continue.”


The SPL is expected to mount a stiff defence of their stance however, as their catering lady, Mrs Merkin, made too many sandwiches for Thursday’s meeting and they have no intention of letting them go to waste. Dundee Utd chief, Eddie Thomson, has also removed excess teabags from Hampden for resale in his Morning Noon & Night chain of shops.


And in a sensational new development, the loop hole’s cousin, also called loop hole, is threatening to close itself, thus barring any hope of return to the SPL for Dundee FC. “They screw-over my cousin, I’ll screw-over them” it said defiantly last night.