Incidentally, if anyone fancies doing a fill-in Review for the months where I will be late, simply e-mail me at livispike@hotmail.com with a sample of your writing, and a nooode photo of your missus, and I’ll pick the best one.
Livi had two complete games in February. Cast your minds back to early February, when Kilmarnock came to Fortress Almondvale to face the mighty Lions, in a nail-biting, hard-fought titanic affair. Man that’s good sh*t, cheers Gregor.
In reality, Killie rodgereed us like a guest at a Barrymore pool party. Stevie Fulton outclassed Guilermo Amor in the midfield, and the rest of the team fared little better, with one notable exception.
Step forward Gustave Bahoken. Woeful is not the word to describe the performance of young Gus. Quite simply it was one of the most shockingly inept performances I have ever seen. And I’m sorry to have to say it, but his subsequent performances have not been a great improvement either. I asked Celtic striker henrik Larsson what he thought about Gus, just after our game with Celtic, Henrik’s response? “Ugghhhkkk fnnking bstrd unt sker mffoorr”. What a character.
It’s actually physically painful to talk about the Killie game (as it was for Larsson to talk about anything) so we’ll move on to the Dunfermline replay.
Now I know that Dave McEwan is only a young lad. According to the militant right-wingers on the boards he’s the messiah for Scottish Nationalism also, probably. He’s also undisputably sh*t.
The only person who benefitted from McEwans “goal-keeping” was Craig Brewster. Face it, Dave had a ‘mare.
But Dave’s undisputed sh*teyness has helped Livi, as it allowed us to move for Alan Main. Now this man clearly knows how to keep goals, or whatever you call it. Where does he keep them? I don’t f**king know.
Alan made his debut against Celtic, and performed well. Livi fans also got their first sighting of Maidana, who acquitted himself well on debut. This game also had the rare distinction of being one of the bi-monthly games where Roly Zarate actually does summat. But we still lost. Again.
I said last month that I’d give you my opinion on our new signings, so here goes.
Main is class. Maidana looks solid. Amor is too slow and old. Haven’t seen the others. ‘Nuff said.
Winners.
Alan Main. Yes he played one game. But he was good. Go figure. Look, I don’t have to give reasons. Okay, I’m just glad we wont be seeing Dave again. Anyway it’s mid-f**king March, he has been good. Why am I justifying myself? Go write your own f**king column if you don’t like it.
Losers
Dave McEwan. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. You silly wee thug. Great pass to Big Craig, I hope you got a couple of assist bonuses.
Gus Bahoken. Please see above, or watch a blooody match if you need an explanation.
Seeya next month folks. Sorry its p*sh this month, but its more than you schmuucks deserve.