Ladies, Gentlemen, good evening. I was all prepared to use No. 64 in 'Rio Ferdinand's 100 Top Excuses' book ('Uhhh, I forgot)and get out of doing it this week, but realised that unlike naked little pixies, that wouldn't wash with Dov. And so welcome to another star-studded, bowel-moving edition of BoardTalk, again about as funny as seeing your step-aunt beaten up, spanked and eaten by a castrated, flea-ridden baboon doing a Quincy impression. But without further ado, lets give this a go. 
So with the news about as interesting as Davie Hay, I was all set to rely on my "How do you circumcise a Hearts fan?"-esque
jokes. But before the DBM even had time to paint their cars yellow and green, invest their life savings in the Brazilian economy and apply for dual nationality by marrying Brazilian slags, Maximo had decided to sod off without telling
anyone why.
Agent Wild let us know:
"Livingston appear set to part company with Marcio Maximo only four months into his reign as head coach. The club have called a news conference for Tuesday afternoon and BBC Sport understands that they are likely to say that the 40-year-old Brazilian is resigning because of homesickness.
LLD offered a few explanations:
"I think there's probably a few factors in his decision. I don't think, for example, that hisrelationship with the other coaching staff was quite as good as it could have been.
Also, I think he was genuinely shocked with some of the press criticism received. Some of it was pretty personal, and totally
unnecessary."
But it wasn't long before the knives were out for a few Livi 'favourites', as Teso claimed:
"There is one man who is blame for these events. Step forward one DK. Well done mate. He was your choice and you are to be held accoutable for it and the disruption that this will cause. Your incompetence is staggering."
...and CyberLeish added:
"He obviously didn't fit into the boys club that is the upper management/ownership of Livingston FC.
Perhaps being a genuine and nice guy had something to do with it."
As much as Im sure DK and DH have tea parties with Osama Bin Laden, Sadaam Hussein and Robert Kilroy Silk while decapitating beady-eyed bunny rabbits, its all getting a bit tiring.
A little more reasoned comment from MAMS:
"For the first time in the last 18 months we have seen some progress in the
performance of the team. Livingston have yet to fully establish themselves as an SPL team (unlike yo-yo teams like St Johnstone and Falkirk) never mind as a threat to the OF.
Reallity check me thinks. Ambition is great but you have to be realistic with it."
And I'll let KeithC sum up:
"Why when things are going bad for us do the lynch mobs start looking to oust DK. Havent people realised yet that the guy is very passionate about Livi and wants the club to do well. Has noone thought that perhaps he is Livi’s best supporter and only wants the best for the club. He is a businessman and businessmen take levels of risk in order to progress. This one didnt work. Lets move on."
A-****ing-men!
And so with the Livi management team doing more business than a London hotel condom machine, and the club in a state of shock it was off to the cheery chaps down Leith way. And we won. God knows how, god knows why, and god knows we don't care sincewe got it right up 'em.
Durbin started the celebrations:
"Won't be happy?! I'm feckin' delirious, man!
I was hard on Kerr because played like a big Jesse. If he's going to start putting in good performances (n.b. - I'd look forthem to get better the closer he gets to his desired return to Newcastle), then I'm a happy bunny."
And Spicy added:
"We won, but we should have had four. On another day Hibs would have got an equaliser and we'd have crumbled Other than that, we played well, and Hibs were rank."
And WulsonforLivi looked to highlight the plus points of the present Livi side:
"Good point about goals conceded, especially when some on the boards still talk about how crap we are!! Don't want to tempt fate but our back line is looking good - Roddy is playing well, some good shot stopping and reliable kicking. Marv (looked a wee bit out of sorts yesterday), Manu and
the much improved Rubio are looking pretty solid overall. McNamee and McAllister are doing OK, and hopefully Scott McL will get some games too."
So while we taught them a lesson in football, they taught us a lesson in how to be fat, lifeless, muted tw@ts. A fair trade methinks.
And so Agent Wild concluded the weeks ramblings with:
Simple question - but perhaps a more complex answer. Let us not get
carried away but perhaps this time we can cause an upset by getting points from them. What do people think? Logical reasoningplease.
Bill the Bass continued:
"My heart says we can but my head says it will be "same old same old" play well until they score....then crumble!
Sorry, I hope I am prooved wrong here."
And paradude concluded:
Maybe better if they get a no bad result midweek, let them then get over confident and then have it knocked out of them on Saturday!"
Personally, I can see it being a typical Saturday. The smell of buckie will drift in from the away end and intoxicate the Livi team, only Rubio managing to play his own game by dragging Michael Mols into the box and kicking the living pi$$ out of him for being Dutch. We'll play well, we'll get beat, OL will get humped by the opposition, and might even get beaten by them as well.
Lets see, I've got my fortnightly OL, Dov, and Davie Hay jibes in, which simply leaves Theo Whitmore. Incidentally, its been his most productive period for Livi by virtue of the fact he's had no chance to remind us all of just how p*sh he actually is.
Sorted.
So here ends a concerningly chirpy BoardTalk. Im sure this week some big lad will kick me in the cherries and i'll be back in a foul mood next edition.
Yes its been dull and mundane, but its still probably better than your sex life, so dont complain.
PS The ending to the joke is "Kick his sister in the jaw" just on the off chance that anyone actually bothered to read all the way through. God bless you.
