A world shattering breakthrough was unveiled in Glasgow yesterday, a flushing toilet device which could end the centuries old tradition of Celtic supporters pessing in the street.
But the move has outraged traditionalists who insist that pessing against walls and hedges is one of Celtic fans’ proudest traditions.
Fans spokesman Des "Henrik Larsson IV" O’Kelly insisted he and trillions of other Celtic fans worldwide would boycott the controversial toilet contraption.
“This device goes against everything Celtic Football Club stands for. If they take away our right to urinate in the street, they might as well take away our Buckie too."
Football chiefs admitted they were at their wits end trying to educate Celtic supporters in the ways of the 21st Century.
“It’s not as if its complicated!” a club spokesman insisted last night. “These new devices are simple, clean and efficient – and there’s no risk of irate householders chucking buckets of water over you.”
The spokesman admitted that there had been some problems with the new fangled toilets at Celtic Park.
“Many supporters were confused by the hygiene instructions and the ‘Now Wash Your Hands” sign. So we put up a few more diagrams. But still they can’t walk past a wall without having a pess. It’s like filling a stadium with 60,000 incontinent dogs!”