Daily Tabloid - Make mines a beer!

Last updated : 16 December 2004 By Tommy Tippee
Half Pint celebrating yesterday
In a shock move yesterday, Pearse Brosnan (72), head of the 'Livvy Consortina' has appointed disgraced former LRT bus driver and High Court Judge Harry 'Half Pint' (14) to drum up the sales of alcohol to younger fans on matchdays at Almondvale Stadium.

When asked to comment Pearse was overheard to say "Move your foot kiddo, or Ill set the dogs on you, to be sure"

'Half Pint' (11) was a little more forthcoming but did however avoid any reference on the incident six months ago with the barmaid that saw him lose his bus licence. "A've been well warned no tae shay anything aboot that, no? Mind you, they were a fair pair, eh?" he slurred.

When probed for details on the shock appointment, the clearly buckled 'Half Pint' advised the assembled shoppers that "A gap hash been identified in the age groupsh that partake in a shwallay before the games. The under eighteensh have got money to shpend and it'sh my job to make shure they shpend it with ush. On beer."

Here at the daily tabloid we are enthused by this bold move and wish 'Half Pint' every success in his drive to up the units of beer sunk by Livingstons younger fans.

As usual, if you have any comments on todays story, please send them to our usual email address - howbig@oidavecheckoutpage3.co.uk