Daily Tabloid - New Livi backroom team announced

Last updated : 17 December 2004 By Floella Benjamin

Livi managerial duo, Richard Van Gough and John Knox, today announced their shock new backroom team. And in a move, a first for Scottish domestic football, Livingston FC has secured the services of the entire cast of the BBC’s Balamory to take the Lions forward.

At a packed press conference this morning, Van Gough announced the following roles and responsibilities for his new ‘signings’:

Josie Jump:
first team fitness and jumping practice.

team tactics and making stuff from yoghurt pots.

PC Plum:
stadium security and finding lost things.

Pocket & Sweet:
official club merchandise and tea.

new strip design and other random abstract concepts.

Edie McCredie:
first team transport and random odd jobs.

Miss Hoolie:
youth development and playtime supervisor.

A visibly pleased Van Gough also stated his confidence in the new team. “I’m visibly pleased and am confident in the new team” he said.

However, press conferences may take slightly longer at Almondvale from now on as none of the Balamory team would field any questions from reporters without first being asked “what’s the story in Balamory?” then making bubble rainbows appear by arcing their hands.