Crack battalions of Rock Steady and other Security personnel were rushed to Iraq last night after a minor local conflict threatened to explode into another all-out war. 
A scuffle developed between neighbours in Falluja when a confrontation developed between warring neighbours in a territorial dispute over garden furniture.
Accusations of “you’re in my seat!” rapidly deteriorated into a tense stand off.
Yesterday, U.N. Secretary General, H Division made the momentous decision to send in the "Yellow Jackets" after rival factions in the region threatened to stand up and be counted..
Rock Steady Oberstumbahnfuhrer Eddie Milne was delighted his boys were going in first.
"We're a top class security operation!" he boasted. "Once we get in there they'll be no danger of any bad language flying around."
Eddie's battalion will be operating in the town of Nasbra where it is hoped their strict policy of telling people to "Shut it, or I'll get the polis" will succeed where patient negotiations have failed.
"We've got tremendous experience in directing folk to the nearest exit, and reading seat numbers off tickets," Eddie said last night.
"Not to mention our qualities of talking to each other with our walkie-talkies. I don’t think the fact that our boys are so thick, they can hardly walk will be a problem"
Foreign Secretary Jackie Strewth was delighted that British Rock Steady crew had been called in.
“I feel safer knowing that Our Boys will be in there doing a good job,” he said.
The Daily Tabloid – Supporting OUR BHOYS
It gets lonely standing on cold walkways in the world’s trouble spots – why not get a Rock Steady pen pal?
Please write short letters (no joined up writing please) and we’ll teach the Rock Steady boys to scribble some random scrawls with crayons in return.