Following the dreadful scenes in the San Siro earlier this week during the 
Inter and AC Milan were battling-out a Champions League quarter final tie at their shared stadium when violet crowd misconduct lead to both teams being lead off the field for a short recess. However, following the restart, AC Milan keeper Dida was felled by a flare thrown from the hostile Inter supporters, and the match was subsequently abandoned, with AC Milan being awarded the tie.
However, UEFA have come down hard on Inter Milan as a result, fining them severely and ordering their next four European matches to be played behind closed doors. But they have also now put a blanket ban on ALL flares inside football stadia, and this is where Livi are likely to suffer.
Chairman Tony Kinder-Egg is well known for his love of a particular pair of white spandex flares, and UEFA’s ban will hit his after-match hospitality duties hard. A tearful Kinder-Egg told the Tabloid last night “howay man, this is so unfair! I just get me lovely troosahs back from that Dr Who bloke, noo UEFA say I cannat wear them inside Almondvale: I’m gutted man, gutted!” Indeed, Kinder-Egg is well known in footballing circles for his post-match hospitality, particularly karaoke sessions impersonating 70’s pop star Leo Sayer. It’s likely that visiting club officials will now boycott future events in protest, leading to a loss of revenue and prestige for the club.
As the fans’ champion, the Tabloid contacted UEFA for clarification. Spokesman Hans Lederhosen told us “Herr Kinder-Egg has nossing to vorry about as ze flares in qvestion are zose used on boats, not vorn on ze legs. Besides, Lenart Johanssen vas raving about Tony’s Leo Sayer act last time he visited Schottland, so ve ‘vill let ze show go on!’”
Hurrah for UEFA!
