Under pressure Livi sort-of manager, Fug Gough, has resorted to unusual, if not controversial, methods to help slow the Almondvale club’s freefall out the SPL.
Speaking exclusively to the fan’s champion Daily Tabloid from his caravan last night, Gough told us “I was reading a Ladybird book the other night, when the idea suddenly just hit me”. Jealously guarding his six-pack of Tartan Special, Gough continued “there was this great story called ‘The Elves and the Shoemaker’, where this guy is dead busy and leaves leather out one night by mistake, and when he wakes up, he discovers these wee elves have made all his shoes for him. And everyone lives happily ever after.”
“So if it’s good enough for the shoemaker, it’s good enough for me, the Rangers legend” he added, gazing forlornly at a cabinet crammed with dusty medals, trophies and caps.
We pressed Gough to reveal more of this odd new strategy, and he was pleased to acquiesce. “Well, what I’m going to do tonight is leave a blank team sheet on my bedside table and a pen. Then when I go to sleep, the wise elves will come out and fill it in for me – brilliant eh!?” We asked what was in it for the elves, and this was clearly something Gough had not considered. He fumbled with a ring pull and stuttered “erm, well, I could leave them some deckchair material and they can make their own wee mini Livi shirts or something. Maybe put wee numbers on the back, and names. You know, like ‘Elf 1’, or whatever names elves have.”
From this, our reporter took his cue to back slowly out the caravan, but not before an increasingly desperate Gough shouted after him “stay and I’ll tell you all about my 9-in-a-row days at Ibrox…”
We also understand Gough has made a new striker out of wood and is currently waiting for the Blue Fairy to bring him to life.