Fri 7th - Daily Tabloid - Downpour threatens Morton game

Last updated : 07 January 2005 By Freddy Pishindoon

Eliza Doolittle predicting, today
The recent downpours across central Scotland have left tomorrow’s Scottish Cup tie with Morton in some doubt. Persistent heavy downpours have left the Almondvale surface like a waterlogged sponge, and an early morning pitch inspection will determine whether or not the Morton fans will have to steal a bus or not for the afternoon.

However, spearheading action on behalf of the fans as usual, the Daily Tabloid this afternoon contacted BBC Scotland’s weather department to get a first-hand assessment. Sadly, the neckless Heather with the Weather was unavailable, however her assistant Eliza Doolittle proved very helpful.

“The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain”
she said. Sadly our delight was short-lived as she continued “I hate being a pain but your smile is in vain as rain will come to Livingston again, and this will drive you insane and cause your brain a great pain. Again.”

Fearing the worst, we spoke to expert Professor Henry Higgins and advised him of Ms Doolittle’s information. “She’s got it! She’s got it! By George I think she’s got it!” he beamed.

So tomorrow, it looks like a case of keep your eyes on the skies and hope for a surprise (and warm pies.)