‘Scotsport Old Firm’ was last night rocked by the news that co-presenter Sarah-O has swallowed her own head.
The Irish borderline boiler has been threatening to do so for some time now, as several viewers had noticed her mouth was approaching hippopotamus-like proportions during interviews for the poor STV show. However, following another inane, pro-Glasgow comment by some knuckle-dragging Weegie in the audience during last night’s show, O’s head was seen to disappear as her mouth engulfed it.
Concerned viewer, David Stoker, contacted the Tabloid to express his anxiety. “I watch the programme every week, just to see what skimpy outfit Sarah has on” he told us. “But last night her head plain vanished, just as I was reaching the vinegar strokes. Totally spoiled it for me I can tell you. I hope she makes a full recovery as Archie and Julian just don’t do it for me.”
We contacted STV to ask after O’s welfare, but were only able to speak to a gruff security guard manning the front desk. “Scot-whit?” he quizzed, “never heard of it mate. Is it that shite chatshow they ruin by showing bits of football now and again?”
However renowned TV brainbox, Dr Robert Winston, last night offered a crumb of comfort to Mr Stoker when he confirmed swallowing one’s own head does not necessarily lead to death. “Swallowing one’s own head does not necessarily lead to death” he said during a break in filming about blood, guts and stuff. “She’ll probably just grow another one.”