Mon 2nd - TABLOID - Hay & Kirkwood get back to business

Last updated : 02 May 2005 By Tarka O'Ter

An under-age seal touts for business, last night
Following Chairman John Yorkston’s vote of confidence on Sunday, Dunfermline today sacked ex-Livi gaffer Davie Hay for being generally rubbish. Hay’s assistant, Billy Kirkwood was also given a P45. However, the blow has been softened quite a bit as the management duo’s unemployment looks set to be short lived.

Hay & Kirkwood appear to have been expecting the sack for some weeks now as tomorrow they will open their new joint venture for business a mere 24 hours after the heave from East End Park. The Tabloid contacted Hay in his tent at Kinghorn to find out more.

“It’s simply called H&K”
he told us. “We’re acting as pimps for a wide range of sea mammals, such as dolphins, seals, otters and the like. Billy is a bit of a whiz with business matters, so he checked for a niche in the market, and aquatic mammalian prostitution is a definite gap.” We were slightly perplexed as to who would require such a service, but Hay had clearly done his research. “I dunno, ask Billy” he said.

East End Park, yesterday
Meanwhile back at EEP, it’s expected that the Third Krankie, Jim Leishman, will take over as temporary manager for the last 3 games of the season. A press conference is expected to be called in the morning, followed by a Punch & Judy show which Leishman has spent all season as the Pars’ ‘Director of Football’ writing and producing.

However Leishman’s tenure may also be short lived as it’s expected to be hard finding an “assistant” prepared to do all the work for no credit, and he has issues regarding doing any actual work himself.

The Einstein lookalike was unavailable for comment this evening as he was reported to be out on the pitch counting the tiles of plastic grass before they are lifted again.