Sun 20th - Sunday Tabloid - Gers launch new fashion range

Rangers Shop staff practicing for the "Tangerine Walk", yesterday

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Sunday Tabloid, Rangers Commercial Manager Billy Boyne said “we’ve been looking for an excuse to punt more gear to the mindless legions who buy the sh*t, so one of our tea boys came up with a brilliant idea.”
Pointing at various items in a catalogue, Boyne continued “there’s only so much can be sold in the sportswear line, so what we’ve decided upon is a new leisurewear range, which we’re going to call our ‘1690 Range’”

Indeed, we were given a sneak preview at the new line and it faithfully struggles to adhere to anything like Rangers’ traditional colours. Some of the gems included are the ‘Sash’, a blue t-shirt with large orange V from shoulders to navel; the ‘Apprentice Boys’ orange and blue balaclava/ski-mask and white gloves set; and the ‘Red Hand’ orange tea towel with Union Jack and Red Hand motif.

However, Boyne was quick to play-down any suggestions of sectarian motives behind the sale of the new 1960 Range. “Rangers are a family club and we do NOT accept sectarianism of any kind inside Ibrox” he read smirking from a crumpled sheet of paper. “The 1690 Range has no connection with the Battle of the Boyne, but instead reflects the number of poor Indian workers used in its manufacture. Rangers FC continues to champion the Executives anti-sectarian drive, and now turns a blind eye to UVF recruitment outside the stadium on Mondays as well as Tuesdays. Oh and it’s not orange, it’s tangerine.”

So there you go. The new 1690 Range is expected to hit the Livingston Rangers Shop sometime within the next 2 weeks and will be launched by a full ‘Tangerine Walk’ along Almondvale Boulevard to the Centre. Local flute bands are being invited to participate.