Raging Hearts boss John Robertson last night blasted God for conspiring against his team over the past several million years.
The diminutive former Lion was left fuming after a highly questionable decision by an allegedly corrupt linesman cost Hearts 3 points against Rangers recently. However Robertson reserved most of his rage for the Almighty for, as he sees it, equally unfair treatment.
“It isnae fair” squeaked Robertson yesterday. “This is pure west coast bias, ken? It’s a well known fact that the weather east of Harthill is drier than it is in Glasgow, and that’s useless for growing rice” he continued whilst playing with a Matchbox toy car.
As well as being an outspoken critic of anything not going Hearts’ way, mini-manager Robertson is also a keen rice grower, with several paddy fields in the Pilton and Craigmillar areas of the capital. However rice requires extremely wet conditions to grow, but central
We contacted God’s PR manager, Jesus Christ, to ask if there was any truth in Robertson’s allegations. “My dear, dear child” said Christ with outstretched perforated hands, “in the beginning there were rocks and stuff, or fish, something like that. Then rain. These were there long before the Jambos were invented, so basically Robertson’s talking through his arse. Mon the Hoops!.”
Robertson is unlikely to be satisfied with this explanation, so an appeal looks very much on the cards.
Tosser.
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