Retail giant Tesco has today announced an unusual sponsorship deal with 
Following the SPL’s decision to have the club’s cheap artificial pitch ripped-up and replaced with proper turf, serial back-stabber and snake John Yorkston was left frantically searching for ways to raise money and save his complete financial ineptitude from being exposed to the general public. But in a first deal of its kind, Yorkston has now sold the entire cheap plastic surface to Tesco, following its removal from
A delighted Tesco chairman, Basil Fawlty, spoke to the Tabloid about the deal. “Mr Yorkston seems a genuine, kind and honest man: a real pillar of Scotch society whom all you Jocks should be duly proud. I had no problem accepting his kind offer. Our plan is to completely revamp the fruit & veg displays in all our stores using
We spoke to Yorkston and asked him about the new surface to replace the cheap shitty plastic stuff he bought 2 years ago from a bloke behind King Kong at Ingleston Sunday Market. “With all due ressspect”, he hissed at our reporter, “I don’t talk to folk from Livingsssston any more. I just talk about them. Got any newssss I can grassss-up to the SSSSSFA?” He then slithered away across the trackside to consume a whole rat found in Jim Leishman’s moustache.
So it looks as though there will finally be more grass on the pitch at 
