The Tabloid today learned that the new board at Almondvale
has recently designed and ordered several new Official Club toiletries for sale in the club shop.
The new toilet bowl liner, yesterday
A high degree of secrecy has surrounded the development of this range, however your favourite almost-daily publication - as ever - is first to give the fans a sneak preview of what’s on offer. A club insider, risking his job for you, was able to provide us with a list of some items in this stunning new range. These include:
- John Yorkston toilet bowl liner - a self-adhesive PVC coating to fit a BS Standard toilet, gives users the satisfaction of pissing on his furtive little face.
- Marr Brothers toilet roll - quilted sheets of luxury tissue, with a picture of a Marr Brother on each square to wipe your arse with.
- Dundee FC condoms - a quirky novelty item as everyone knows they don’t use condoms in
- Dunfermline Athletic grass seeds - another quirky item, as there’s no grass on the pitch at
- John Yorkston sanitary towel disposal bags - one for the ladies, but we won’t go into that any further.
So as you can see, the Livi marketing bandwagon is in full flight and coming to a club shop near you soon. Go buy stuff! 
