TABLOID 7 Jun - Kylesofbute takes no pisoners!

Kylesofbute gives Broon it straight, yesterday

For in a feeble effort to escape justified relegation by cheating, Dundee chief executive, Hen Broon, recently wrote to the SPL complaining that former Lions’ striker Hassan Kachloul was paid for his services, despite being signed as an amateur. Were there and truth in these allegations, Livi would be docked points and Dundee would be saved from life in Division 1.

However, Livi’s iron lady was having none of it. Addressing a packed press conference at Almondvale today, Kylesofbute was taking no prisoners.

“Dundee FC are big, fat smellys with lice and stuff” she growled at the bank of microphones in front of her. “My dad’s bigger than theirs, and they’ve got dirty pants and everyone knows they get their uniforms from Clan House. And they go to school in the yellow bus.”

When asked what she planned on doing about the Dundonian allegations, Kylesofbute was just as forthright. “I’m the boss of the swings, IDST” she said, “so if Hen Broon wants to be a big tell-tale-tit then he can meet me at the gates at half three! Or his wee sister can see if she can beat me at elastics, it’s up to him.”

We contacted Dundee FC to advise Broon what Kylesofbute had to say, however the club was less willing to say anything this time, probably because they know they’re wrong. “Go away ya Worzel, we all know Livi eat jobbies and smell of wee” their club spokeswoman told us before hanging-up.