TABLOID - Hun skipper's rant at Livi performance

Last updated : 27 October 2005 By The Marquis of Montrose

An angry Ferguson leaves Almondvale, last night
Rangers skipper Barry Ferguson, this evening denounced his club’s 2-2 draw with Livi last night.


Barely able to stand upright, the Troglodyte throwback chewed vigorously on a raw deer leg and sprayed the assembled media with partly-masticated flesh as he ranted “No right! We big team, they wee Fenians. Rangers no draw wi’ wee Fenians! Barry no happy! Barry hungry…” and with that he shuffled out the room dragging the rest of the deer carcass behind him. He briefly returned to retrieve a hand-axe and flint scraper left behind.


Greying carrot-topped Gers gaffer Alex McLeishman was also scathing in his condemnation of Livi’s refusal to roll-over and surrender all three points to his side. “Scottish fitba’ has many unwritten rules” he spat, “and wan of them is the fact Mickey Mouse teams like Livi don’t put up a fight when we’re scrappin’ it out with the Tims, I mean Celtic, for the title. With all due respect to Livingston Fitba Club of course.”


But when it was pointed out to the former Dons legend that Rangers are pretty gash this season and Hearts are way out in front at the top of the League, his striped tie curled out his blazer as his face turned scarlet with incandescent rage. “F*** they part-time proddys! F***in’ Russians, no even real proddys! We’re the only wans fur tae keep the Union Jack flyin’! No surrender!”. He then stormed out the room, but slipped on the bloody trail left by Ferguson’s deer carcass, falling on his arse to a chorus of hysterical laughter from the assembled scribes.


Later, the Tabloid asked Livi boss Paul Lambert for his thoughts on a highly impressive Livi performance, but his comments were so mumbled that nobody could understand a word he said. But he probably said he was pleased, especially as it was one up the Gers.