TABLOID - Kinder-Egg found safe and well...

Last updated : 31 October 2005 By Mbozza Ritchie

Kinder-Egg (right), last week
Since the Lionheart Consortium’s successful takeover at Almondvale, rumour has been rife as to the whereabouts of interim Lions Chairman, Tony Kinder-Egg.


Kinder-Egg was a regular readerer and contributor on the LiviLions message board, plus he was often seen in or around Almondvale Stadium most days of the week. However, since former 007 star Pearse Brosnan took control, Kinder-Egg appears to have vanished.


Conspiracy theorists have since speculated over his whereabouts, with suggestions ranging from alien abduction to involuntary organ donation. However, as usual your champion Tabloid is first with the news, and we can EXCLUSIVELY reveal exactly where Leo Sayer body double Kinder-Egg has been these past few months


The 'troosahs', last year
Legendary BBC naturalist, Lord David Attenborough, recently returned from filming monkeys shagging in the jungles of Sumatra. He contacted Tabloid Towers and provided us with a videotape which clearly showed Kinder-Egg living with native tree people in a timber shack high in the canopy. Apparently the film crew were attempting to make contact with the tree people when they were approached by a woolly-haired white man who enquired “howay bonnie lad, have ya seen me troosahs? I cannat find them man, and I’m borstin’ t’get them back on as this loincloth’s chaffin’ me willy somethin’ chronic like!”


Subsequent dialogue confirmed this to be Kinder-Egg, but as to how he ended up in the Indonesian jungle remains a mystery. His ‘troosahs’ - a pair of flared 1970s white spandex trousers - were returned to Almondvale some time ago by Dr Who, so we can only speculate that they once again went missing and Kinder-Egg began a new quest to find them.