Livi chief executive Vivien Kyles last night reacted furiously to press reports that club manager Paul Lambert has been secretly growing mushrooms on the back of his office door.
Miss Kyles (36-24-36), a former Playmate of the Year and Miss November, delivered her sterling rebuke at a packed press conference inside Almondvale. With her tight white blouse positively groaning under the stress of her heaving bosom, Miss Kyles told reporters “I’m in Paul’s office all the time and never once - not once - have I ever seen a mushroom on his door.”
And when pressed for more information, she purred “well there’s some blue-tac, dried snotters and a ‘Hail! Hail!’ poster, but that’s about it. No mushrooms whatsoever. And anyone who says otherwise can just come and see me!” she added, crossing her legs to a collective gasp from the assembled scribes. 
And in a sensational new development, kit man Danny Cunnilingus also denied rumours that he’s been secretly collecting ocelots for Cosmonaut training in 
