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TABLOID - LAMBERT'S DENTAL JOY!

Last updated : 20 October 2005 By Wally Gumm

A speechless Lambert, recently
Under-fire Livi boss, Paul Lambert, last night received a boost from an unexpected source.

Following a string of rank-rotten results, Lions’ gaffer Lambert has been on the receiving end of some intense criticism from his own fans lately. A miserable 2 points from 10 games sees Livi bottom of the SPL in the worst start to a season in the club’s 10 year history.


However, following an unexpected call from Germany, Lambert was spotted yesterday looking decidedly more upbeat. It seems his former Old Firm adversary, Jorg Albertz, contacted him out the blue to offer support - and the return of several teeth.


We contacted Albertz at his 79 bedroom mansion in Germany’s

Lambert's stained mammoth dentures, yesterday
Ruhr valley to find out more. “Vell, I haff been reading ze papers over here, unt I have seen how pure pish Livi have been” Albertz told our reporter. “Unt I vas also at ze doctor vith a sore knee last veek, unt ven he examined me he found several of Paul’s teeth imbedded in mine bones! It vould seem zey haff been zere since 1998. So now I vant him to haff zem back.”


Albertz was referring to an old firm clash 7 years ago where he and Lambert collided, with Lambert being knocked out cold and half his teeth lost. It’s a well known fact that ever since, Lambert has been wearing dentures made from mammoth ivory, which due to its extreme age often leads to excessive staining. This explains Lambert’s lack of smiling; rubbishing rumours that he’s just a misreable sod.


We spoke to Lambert and asked him about Albertz’ incredible gesture, however he was unable to speak as his mammoth teeth were being washed by the U-16 squad at the time.