TABLOID - new stadium announcer revealed

Last updated : 20 January 2006 By Kid Jensen

Cox/Young (left) with a fan, last night
Following the shock sacking of Colin “The Music Man” Young for lewd and libidinous acts involving a variety of domestic farm animals and a tin of beans, Livi General Manager Vivienne Kyles this evening announced his replacement.

Wearing an extremely low-cut, figure-hugging silk Oriental dress, the former Miss October told a drooling pack of press hounds “We may have a rank rotten team, but the least we can do is provide our supporters with quality music and match announcements.” Slowly crossing her legs to a welcoming gasp from the assembled scribes, the bra-busting goddess continued “So it gives me great pleasure to introduce our new match announcer, Doc Cox…”

And at that the former That’s Life co-presenter arrived and proceeded to throw sweets at the gobsmacked media. He then sat down and began to read a selection of entertaining newspaper misprints whilst images of mildly rude shaped vegetables were projected onto a screen behind him.

'Kenny' in the 70s, yesterday
However, another shock was in store as Rab C Weegie of the Daily Ranger suddenly announced that Doc Cox and the disgraced Young were in fact one and the same. “He’s jist pit some specks oan man!” exclaimed the startled Weegie, before a crestfallen Cox removed his glasses in resigned confirmation, revealing his true identity. A stunned Kyles audibly gasped as she ran her hands up and down her inner thighs and the press conference ended in farce.

“It worked for Superman”
sobbed the heartbroken Young as he left with a pair of goats and a copy of 'The Sound Of Super K' by 70s popsters Kenny under his arm.