TABLOID - speak Weegie? Not if we can help it!

Last updated : 22 January 2006 By Rab C Never

The English language in Scotland may soon be a thing of the past if Glasgow City Council has its way. For Councillors this evening voted overwhelmingly to petition the Scottish Executive to have Weegie adopted as Scotland’s official language.

It’s been noted that Weegie has been slowly eating its way into the fabric of decent society, however should Glasgow Council have its way then shell suits and Burberry caps will become standard issue for all Scots, not just those unfortunate enough to live in Glasgow and the surrounding area.

And as if to emphasise the point, the fans’ champion Tabloid received the following press release as Glasgow Council’s opening salvo:

"Haw yous,

See us? See Glesca coonsul? That’s us by ra way.

We’re gaunie go pure fur it tae ra parl…pair…big coonsul in Embra fur tae huv Weegie as wur standurt langwage an’at. An if yous dinae like it then gerrit right up ye’s! Thur’s mary us than thur is yous, so jist git used tae re idea, right ya rockets?

We’re gonnae huv Glesca made ra new capitul an’aw, seein as how they Embra folk is right snooty bassurts! Wee Jack’s wan ae us so it’ll be nae bother, know?

Glasgow Council, yesterday
There ye go, up ra Old Firm!


First Minister Jack McConnell was unable to comment this evening as he was too busy lording it at the tax payer’s expense, however another faceless Glasgow MSP confirmed the motion is likely to succeed. “If that other lot dinnae like it then we’ll jist huv tae chib ra dobbers till they do, know?” he said.

But a fight back is on the cards! We at the Tabloid refuse to submit to the will of the great unwashed and will fight tooth and nail to see the word “yous” wiped from the face of the planet.

Watch this space for more…