Thu 27th - Daily Tabloid - Flipper in OAP shock sacking

Last updated : 27 January 2005 By Hugh Anis

Picture copyright Livingston FC
Livingston FC have been stunned to find out that yet another player is passing himself off to be younger than he actually is, allegedly. Just weeks after the news that former Livi player Cherif tried to sign for a club, claiming to be 24 years old, when he is actually a “bigger boy”, the club is stunned to find out that Jim “Flipper” “Hammy” Hamilton was exposed EXCLUSIVELY by the Daily Tabloid team as a 64-year-old grandad, living in a nursing home “somewhere near to Livingston” our source told us.

Hamilton, who has played for over 200 teams in the Scottish Leagues over the years, has to be up at 4am every morning, so he can visit the beautician, so she can rub some Oil of Ulay on to his skin, and brush over the lines with foundation, so that no one knows his real age. Our source, who we cannot name, has also told us that Flipper also has 24 grandkids, and one great grandkid on the way. Our source said “Jim has 24 grandkids and one great grandkid on the way.

Lovell also added “He would be devastated if he though that people knew his real age, he sits down the bowling club every night with his pint of black n tan, enjoys his pipe, and plays Dominoes with Harry and Victor, that would all have to change if it came out in the open about his age”.

Livingston chairman Tony Kinder-Egg (37) said he was in the dark about the news, but said that a full investigation would be underway soon. He said, “I’m in the dark about the news, but a full investigation will be underway soon”.

Lion heart boss Pierce Brosnan last night refused to comment saying “No Comment” – Guilty if you ask me.


Livingston boss Pierce Brosnan today phoned the Tabloid team, and thanked us for revealing that Hammy was really 64. The club today terminated his contract. It is believed that Hamilton has already duped Motherwell into thinking that he is 28-years old.