Tue 22nd - Daily Tabloid - Flynn calls in the Home Guard!

Last updated : 22 February 2005 By May I. Tutchem
Pearse 'Brosnan' Flynn (86), Livi's very own 'man of wealth' and childrens playpen 'mobile' magnate, has signed up seven of his own recruits as back up to the duffers that 'manager of the moment' Fug Gough signed during the recent transfer window.

In a move unprecedented in the footballing world, Flynn has brought together the 'Walmington-on-Sea' Home guard for the first time since 1977, in a last gasp attempt to shore up his teams back line and if need be, the South Coast from German invasion.

Flynn was openly confident that his new recruits were up to the task and exclusively told the Tabloid
Livi's new boys line up, yesterday
that "the determination of Captain Mainwaring and his platoon to fight to the last man in defence of our shores is marred by only one small detail - a total lack of weapons". He added that he "believe[s] that this problem will be overcome in around 3-4 weeks, to be sure".

At first glance the seven oddballs look a strange collection of individuals, but don't let appearances deceive you. From Capt Mainwaring through Pte Godfrey, Pte Walker, Pte Frazer, Pte Pike, Sgt Wilson and Cpl Jones the integrity of Livi's defence is surely in safe hands?

At this time it's not known how under pressure Livi, ahem, manager Fug Gough is taking the news that his squad now includes seven extra 'defenders', each of whom carries their own wooden gun.

When the Daily Tabloid called at Goughs caravan in the Bathgate Hills, he refused to comment, instead barking at us through the caravans beaded door, to "Gonnae get off my fackin' land, or all pure burst ye, know?"!

Here's hoping that the new boys can introduce a bit of backbone into the side as we enter the closing stages of the league campaign!

Here at the Tabloid we are of the opinion that although at times he appears aloof and on occasion has been dismissive of supporter opinion, these signings show that Pearse 'Brosnan' Flynn does seem to have the clubs best interests at heart, and that'll do for us if he ultimately saves LFC!
That Gough character on the other hand, seems to have alienated himself from players and supporters alike. He'd better buck up his ideas real soon or he'll find himself out on his rear end!

When asked what they felt the future held for Fug Gough, the new boys were understandably quiet. Only Pte Frazer offered an answer, saying "He's doomed"!

Aren't we all?