Livi fans have been rejoicing since Friday, ever since LionHeart broke the news that the club had finally been saved from oblivion. Ex-chairman Dominic Keane finally did the decent thing and handed-over control of the club, thus making the exit from administration a certainty.
And naturally, being the fans’ champion, your Daily Tabloid was leading the way. Shortly before he went public, new owner Pierce Brosnan gave us an inside view on the lengthy and complicated negotiations which lead to last week’s success.
“It’s all to do with cards, Moneypenny” Brosnan told our reporters. “Keane and Masterson are old poker foes, and last February Keane lost a very important match on the ace of clubs in a back room at the Torphichen Arms in Mid Calder. Masterson’s a real mean-assed mofo, so he wanted payment there and then, but Dom had spent his loot on a packet of Bazooka Joes, so he couldn’t pay. That’s where the trouble started.”
Throwing his hat with deadly precision onto a hat stand some distance away, Brosnan continued “being an old Celtic buddy, there’s no way I could let Dom go down to a Hun like Masterson, so I offered to help. But Dom refused to hand over the ace of clubs. ‘It’s MY club’ he kept saying, but I was determined.”
Being mere journalists and not high-profile businessmen and licensed-to-kill secret agents, all this started to go over our heads, however Brosnan eased our discomfort like the gentleman he is. “Here you go lads, this is what all the fuss was about” he said opening a safe and extracting a playing card, the ace of clubs. “Now the club is mine and it’s safe as you can see” he continued, locking the card back inside the safe.
And when asked about his future plans, Brosnan was keeping his cards close to his chest. “I’ve got plans for the ace of hearts, so I’m off for a meeting with Vivien [Kylesofbute] to discuss the matter further, if you know what I mean lads?” he said with a wink as he showed our reporters to the door.