Wed 29th - Daily Tabloid - Gough loses dressing room

Last updated : 29 December 2004 By Phil Atio
It's been revealed to the Daily Tabloid that Livingston Head Coach Vincent Van Gough (23) has after only 3 games lost the dressing room at Almondvale.

An insider told us how Gough(22) is lacking in basic common sense and has on numerous occasions been seen way off to the left scrutinising a map in order to find his way around Almondvale.

Our source told us exclusively that "It's a well kept secret that when he was gaining coaching experience in the Arkansaw under 13 'little soccer league' that bigger boys would tease him for being of limited intelligence, bald and allergic to egg plant.
A map yesterday

Disgraced former club captain and diminutive Hollywood mouse Stoort Little articularly hinted using vague eye movements that a few of the players regularly sneak up behind him and touch him on the opposite shoulder, leading the confused Head Coach to look the wrong way. "It's hilarious. He is as daft as a brush. They American kids apparently gave it to him tight" he presumably would have said if we'd actually spoken to him.

LFC Alcohol Consultant Harry 'Half Pint' admitted to the Daily Tabloid after we bought him a pint and promised a game of darts later that "Goughsh an arsh by the way. He cannae mind hish name half the time and the playersh ull no reshpond tae that kinna behaviour, no?"

A typical SPL dressing room yesterday

Meanwhile in other news, it's become clear that the Livingston 1st team are on the brink of being charged with having "The poorest hairstyles in the SPL". The Highland Powleece have teamed up with their Lothian and Border counterparts for some reason or other and have issued a warrent charging the players with letting their fans down in the barnet department. Police spokesman Moe Lester has confirmed that in the Livingston and wider West Lothian area there has not been one request for a 'baldy like a Livi player' from a youth of impressionable age. That they are rubbish too doesn't help their case either".

Here at the Daily Tabloid we fully support this proposed arrest warrent and hope that this is the kick up the arse the 1st team need to get themselves down to 'Cheynes' in the town. If they can't afford a decent 'do' then even 'Hare Direct' up the centre does a no bad #1.

In response to numerous requests we will now be periodically offering you pic's of tidy burds to gawk at. Check out the fringe on this one.
Doreen (18) from Knightsridge is keen on cooking and cleaning, for her man.