An astrology expert yesterday sensationally claimed last night’s dramatic meteor shower over
Arthur Bigtrousers of Kirknewton has been a keen amateur astrologer for over 50 years, and not a single night goes by that his array of telescopes aren’t pointing skyward. However the meteor shower, missed by most people because of thick cloud cover, took even a seasoned veteran like Mr Bigtrousers by surprise.
“I was just looking at Alpha17 in the constellation of Toad the Liar when this blinding streak of light whizzed past my lens” he told our reporter. “I changed telescopes to get a wider field of view and there it was – a spectacular meteor shower. I called on my mother to come and look, but she’s dead. But the voices said ‘Jesus Christ!’ so I knew from that moment that the second coming is nigh.”
We contacted Father Dominic Flynn of
And indeed Father Flynn may have a point as monocled TV stellar guru, Patrick Moore, knew nothing of the alleged meteor shower. “I know tons about stars and stuff” he told us in an exclusive phone interview, “but this clown’s playing it absolutely f**king gash! There was NO meteor shower anywhere last night, now sod off and let me get back to my whore.”
So is the Messiah coming back? The Daily Tabloid will leave that to you to decide. But with the closing of January’s transfer window, David Fernandez remains at