Saturday 4th September 2004
Dear Diary
Oh, I’m so angry!! In fact I’m so angry I’ve only just stopped hopping around the pond long enough to write to you now. Grrrr, my warty green skin has turned a bit brown, and my Penfold specs have misted-up - that’s how angry I am!!
Why am I angry did you say diary?
Well I’ll tell you! The other day I fancied a couple of tickets to go watch Livi playing Dundee Utd. I’ve been in this pond for too long now and I know my beloved public have missed me, so I phoned the club for a couple of briefs. Despite what that woolly freak Kinder says, I’M STILL Mr Livi, so I should get tickets anytime I want, right diary? Right?
Well, the b*stards only went and said no didn’t they?!?! Can you believe that? Saying no to ME?? I made that club, don’t they know that? If it weren’t for me that poxy wee outfit would still be in Division 3 and not up to it’s ears in debt and in administration. Ungrateful sods!
But, to make matter worse, that administrator bloke then goes and removes me as a director! Doesn’t tell me though, oh no. He goes and tells the press. Everyone knows that’s MY job, not his. This on top of losing my mole on the board, Renton. Just who the hell does he think he is diary? Doesn’t he know who I am? Oh, I know people who know people, and he’ll be the one suffering when NO card pops through his door this Christmas! See how bloody smart he is then, huh.
Anyway, I’ve decided to award myself 2 new medals and bestow the title “Supreme Overlord of Everything” upon myself too. My medals are really shiny and I’m the most important toad anywhere. In fact, I may even contact the Evening News and tell them as they seem to print anything I say *cackle*!!
Better go now though diary as I’m going to draw a picture of myself on a big throne. But I’ll write you soon.
Lots of love
D xxx