Thursday 9th September
Dear Diary
Well I’ve decided not to be a Livi fan anymore. Not that I ever was mind you: cut me in half and it says “Sellic” through the middle. But after they took my mole away, removed my title of Dictator (oops, I mean Director) and told me I wasn’t getting free tickets, well a toad can only take so much can’t he diary?
So from now on I’ve decided to support Dunfermline Athletic as my wee team instead! No more amber scarves for me – it’s black & white all the way for this toad! Makes sense seeing as my bestest buddies Jim and Davie are there now. I know I shafted them both when I was Führer at the Vale, but hey they blame Lionheart for everything now so that’s me off the hook. He! He! He! I’m so fly! Maybe I’ll be able to lig a free tie and blazer as my Livi ones are in the bin. Hey, maybe they’ll even let me take over the club?!?!?
Actually diary, I had a good look at Dunfermline before I decided to make them my number one “wee team” (after the glorious Hoops). They’re up to their ears in debt and change their strip all the time without consulting the fans – I like their Chairman already! Plus they play on fake, plastic grass: fake plastic, just like my personality. Talk about a match made in heaven eh?
I think I’ll award myself some shiny new medals in honour of my lovely new club. I was also going to award myself the title of “Grand Vizier of Par-Tic” but it just didn’t look right. So I’ll just make a new crown and invent another kingdom to rule instead. I’m sure I saw a chewing gum wrapper behind the bushes earlier.
So, UP THE PARS!! We are the DA, the DAFC!! LIVI, LIVI, GTF!!
Tee! He! He!
Lots of love
D xxx