New Austrian signing looks set for controversy

Former Austrian captain Adolf Schicklgruber looks set to don the deckchair as the January window fast approaches. But such a move is likely to spark outrage in some camps due to Schicklgruber’s departure under a cloud from previous club FC Braunau.

Reports in the Austrian media claim Schicklgruber had a series of bust-ups with Israeli internationalist team-mates Boni Ginzberg and Ariel Cohen, which eventually lead to the pair going AWOL. And despite frantic efforts by the club, neither player has been back in contact.

However, Van Gough remains upbeat about his new possible signing. “Adolf is a tactical genius, and I can see him going on to be club captain as he has such powerful leadership skills and is an excellent motivator.” And when pressed about the alleged incident in Austria, Van Gough added “everyone here has a clean slate now”.

Yet Livi’s plans may be scuppered as UK immigration officials are likely to raise an objection to the move, given that Schicklgruber is actually no more than a burnt skull fragment and some teeth.

We contacted FC Braunau chairman Adolf Eichmann last night, but he refused to confirm any details, saying simply “I was only following orders.”