Preston and Kernaghan - FOUND!

Last updated : 01 December 2004 By Ivan Topliss-Handshandy

Following the sacking of Allan Preston and Alan Kernaghan last week, speculation has been mounting as to their whereabouts as neither has been seen or heard of since their departure from Almondvale. However, the LiviUltras team has succeeded in tracing the duo to a remote labour camp in eastern Siberia.

Posing as an inmate, I managed to access the camp and grab a secret interview with them both during a rest break.

Whispering so as not to alert the guards, Preston said “Pearse sent us here to teach us a lesson last week”. Rubbing his hands in the crippling cold he continued “I knew Flynn had a reputation as a hard-nosed businessman, but I never knew he was THIS bad! Apparently his grandfather picked potatoes for Stalin so he was owed a few favours.”

Kernaghan however seemed quite upbeat about his present surroundings. “Ach well, I’m Irish too so it’s just for the craic” he said with a broad grin. “Once we’ve broken a few rocks and dug out some salt, I’m sure the big fella will let us come back. Hell, but yer man’s an awful eejit with the jokes.”

Sadly the interview had to end there as senior KGB officers had got wind of my presence and I was marched-off with a Kalashnikov digging into my back and deported from Russia later that day. The bad news for the 2 Alans though is that word in the camp has them there for at least 20 years, or till Livi win 5 games in a row, whichever comes first.

And in another exclusive just in, Stuart Lovell looks set to spend at least 5 years picking potatoes at one of Pearse’s labour farms on Achil Island on Ireland’s west coast. More on that story as it unfolds…